Nathan is Hebrew and means "gift from God" - we couldn't have been more blessed than to have been chosen as his parents!

Thank you for keeping up-to-date with Nathan. We hope you visit often and enjoy experiencing our son's journey as much as we do. Please feel free to leave comments.

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Saturday, November 15, 2008

A Good Mother?

Well, I knew this day would come - I was just hopping it would've been later. Since Nathan was born we have had the great privilege of having him taken care of by family. Circumstances arose that changed that situation but we still were able to have Nathan at home in the care of a trusted friend. Yesterday, I received the call - she found a job and will be starting asap. So, at this very moment we have no care for Nathan and few alternatives - and those options we do have turn my stomach. They include day care, a nanny, home day care, or mommy leaves her job. Let me give you my thoughts on each of these options.

Day care - my son is such a good natured little boy - my fear is he'd be put in a toy or simply not given any attention. Who would help him ever day with the therapy that he needs? Who's going to teach him how to crawl, help him with his sign language and speech needs, and teach him how to use his pincher grasp to eat? Those workers making $8 an hour that have to deal with other crying children? I don't think so. Not to mention, the germs that lurk in these settings and Nathan needs to be as healthy as he can be.

Home Care licensed day care - This could be a potential option but my greatest fear is the lack of accountability. At least in a public day care - there are two adults in the room. I am fearful that without this check things could be potentially harmful for Nathan. And, some of my above fears also exist with private day care.

A Nanny - Accountability. period. I have a co-worker that hired a nanny and after suspecting some unethical behavior she set up a camera. She found the girl stealing and giving her children over-the-counter medication so they would sleep longer at nap times! If this becomes our only answer we will set up an in-home monitoring system. We actually own one - Danny just needs to set it up.

Mommy stays home - this is obviously the best option for Nathan. Daddy disagrees.

I feel that placing Nathan in a strangers care makes me a bad mother with mixed up priorities. Danny disagrees - he said to me "do you think every mother that makes the decision to put their child in day care is a bad mother?" The answer is no. But, not every mother is the mother of a child with Down syndrome. Not every mother has to worry about therapy, doctor's appointments, developmental delays and compromised immune systems. And, if they do - I still need to make the decision that is right for me - this is a personal decision.

We have one other option but it all depends on circumstances that may or may not arise. Either way it won't solve my current dilemma. With all of this said, I've full faith that things will be as they should. It's just going to be a little stressful until then.


Shari said...

Kandi: I pray that the answer would come soon for you. This must be tough on you as a Mommy of a special needs child!

Mairead Elizabeth Hickok said...

This is definitely one of the toughest decisions moms make with little ones- I hope the perfect situation comes up for you. Whatever you decide, you are not a bad mother because you are making this decision with love and care for your son. I hope it all works out soon.

datri said...

Obviously you're a good mother just by putting so much thought and concern into the process. And, unfortunately, the first of many heart-wrenching decisions (like when to start preschool, and then Kindergarten placement which is what I'm agonizing over!)

Miriam said...

What an agonizing decision you face!
"And, if they do - I still need to make the decision that is right for me - this is a personal decision."
I hope and pray that you can find the right decision for your family.

Carol said...

I really love the Samaritan Child Care Center. The teachers are all trained child care workers or nurses (although they do have part time "helpers" too), each room only keeps one or two "stationary" toys that kids can be put into (they spend most of their day crawling around the floor playing with regular toys), and there's a boy in Luci's class that has Ds and has special therapists come to the center to give him therapy each day.

There are good options out there, you just have to spend the hours researching and finding them. Don't worry, you'll find something that is perfect for him!!! Good luck!!!